even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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