Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
