therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
