so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
