I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
