bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
