weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
