We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We need to get me chipped asap
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
