dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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