this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
