I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
