You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
