Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
