i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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