who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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