You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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