Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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