Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
