Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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