maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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