I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
