some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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