do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
