he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
