So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
