i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
