what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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