Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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