Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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