I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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