my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you made out with another girl for some wings
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
