he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
