Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
