I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
