Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
