similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
