tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
