drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
