you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What drink are we having for lunch?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
