I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
