Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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