I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
