you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
