I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
