I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
