but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
