A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
