the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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