it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
