i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
