wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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