There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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